Grief is not linear

Grief Is Not Linear: Understanding the Ups and Downs of Healing

Grief is one of the most profound experiences we face in life, yet it can often feel overwhelming, confusing, and unpredictable. While grief is commonly associated with the death or loss of a loved one, it’s important to understand that grief can be triggered by any significant loss. Whether you’re mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a sense of time, or even your physical abilities, grief is still a deeply personal and valid experience.

The Myth of "Moving On"

Many people are told, either directly or indirectly, that grief follows a neat, linear path—something that can be “moved on” from or “overcome.” The truth? Grief doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t follow a set timeline or predictable pattern. Instead, it’s a deeply personal process that can include moments of overwhelming sadness, anger, numbness, and even relief. Unfortunately, and all too often, we are expected to 'move on' and made to feel guilty when we continue to feel grief. Or we feel that our grief is too burdensome to share with others. So we hide our grief and feel 'apart' from those we love. This is not the same as moving on.

Grief Isn’t Always About Death

While the loss of a loved one is often the most recognized cause of grief, grief can also result from a wide range of experiences, such as:

• The loss of a job or career

• The loss of health or abilities

• The end of a relationship

• The loss of time or opportunities

• Moving away from a familiar place or community

Each of these experiences can evoke a deep sense of grief and loss, even though they may not be traditionally seen as “grief” in the same way the death of a loved one is. The emotions are just as valid, and the process of healing can look just as complex.

Grief is not a competition. The intensity or nature of grief doesn’t diminish based on what’s lost—whether it's the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. Each form of grief carries its own weight, and no form is "more important" than another.

The Roller Coaster of Emotions

One day, you might feel like you're taking steps forward—maybe you’re able to laugh or enjoy something again. The next day, you could feel like you’ve taken a giant leap backward, overwhelmed by sadness or longing. This is a normal part of the healing process.

Grief can often feel like a roller coaster ride, where the highs and lows are jarring and unpredictable. You may find yourself cycling through emotions, sometimes feeling like you’re stuck or not progressing. But know this: Experiencing these ups and downs is not a sign of failure. It shows your body and mind processing deep emotions and adapting to a new reality.

What Does Healing Look Like?

Healing from grief doesn’t mean “getting over it”—it means learning to live with it. As you move through your grief, you’ll find that the sharp pain begins to soften. The emotions may not go away entirely, but you may start to notice that you can cope better with them. You may begin to find new ways to connect with the memories of your loved one or the life you’ve lost without it feeling so overwhelming.

Grief often leads to growth. While you may never “move on” completely, you will move forward in your own time and in your own way.

How Therapy Can Help

Does grief counseling work? Yes! Therapy can be a powerful tool in navigating the emotional waves of grief. Working with a counselor can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, process your grief, and develop healthy coping strategies.

In therapy, you can learn how to:

• Accept the ups and downs of the grieving process

• Reframe your thoughts to find healing without “moving on”

• Honor your emotions and let go of self-judgment

• Navigate the practical aspects of grief, such as returning to work or managing family dynamics

If you feel like you’re struggling to make sense of your grief or if it’s becoming too overwhelming to handle alone, it may be time to seek support.

You Are Not Alone

Remember, grief is not something to "fix"—it's a journey that takes time. You don't have to go through it alone. If you're feeling lost or overwhelmed, therapy can help you process your grief and find a path to healing.